Friday, June 15, 2007


My wife went into Telford this morning, to meet my daughter and 1 year old grandson. They went into the only decent Coffee shop in the town centre for lunch, and, in order to feed the little one, asked the staff serving behind the counter, for a jug of hot water in which to heat up the Jar of Banana Custard and Anchovy they had taken for him.

“We can’t do that, madam, you’ll have to give it to me here behind the counter, and we’ll put it in the jug of hot water and heat it up for you.”

"But, I’m quite capable of heating up a bottle for a child, I’ve brought up two children, who are still alive, and am now on my third grandchild. I think I can be trusted.”

“Sorry, madam, we’re not allowed to. It’s Health and Safety” – the answer to everything in the whole UK world today.

There then ensued a gentle rantlet from my wife, which, as always, got absolutely nowhere, apart from a significant release of steam.

She then asked for her own order which included a Pot of Tea, which was filled from the same exploding steam machine used to fill the grandson’s jug which THEY had determined we were unfit to handle, and handed it to my wife. The temperature of the tea to which she was entrusted was probably around 211ºF, having cooled down ever so slightly from the superheated state it had been in some 5 seconds previously. Even when pressed to “Compare and Contrast” the two actions and attempt some form of rational explanation, the irony of it all passed completely over the staff’s head, as very nearly did the Pot of Tea.

A couple of minutes later, the assistant came over to the table with the Grandson's Jar of Food, which they had heated to a temperature where it was now glowing Cherry Red. They now needed a Jug of Cold Water to reduce the temperature of the jar from "Searing", down through "Jeez, that's still Bloody hot" and onto "Now, that's how it needs to be". The good news is that they were allowed to be trusted unsupervised on their own with the Jug of Cold water the Assistant brought to allow this quenching process to be implemented.

“Health and Safety” apparently explains it all.

And for a minute there, I thought there was a problem.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Roger - A somewhat devious way to contact you but the last e-mail address I have for you keeps giving me an undeliverable message. E-mail was:

----- Original Message -----

OFU Reunion - 22 June 2007

From: Ian Edwards
To: Shafto, Bobby ; Upcraft, Bob ; Teeder, Alan ; Martin, Mick ; Martin, Andrew ; Janke, John ; Graham, Peter ; Cox, Tony ; Cable, Roger ; Bray, Paul ; Blackburn, Mike
Cc: Edwards, Ian & Lynne
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2007 5:30 PM
Subject: OFU Reunion - 22 June 2007

Chaps - I trust you are all well and enjoying life. Just a brief reminder regarding our next gathering:

1. Date: Friday 22 June

2. Venue: The Three Cups Inn, The High Street, Stockbridge, Hants (Telephone 01264 810527) meeting in the bar or garden (if weather favourable) from 1830 onwards

3. Format: Pub, food (planning to sit down for dinner at about 2030) and overnight accommodation.

4. Company: Old Farts only

5. Rig: - Informal

Eight of us have indicated that we will be attending. Excuses from those not coming are quite bizarre. These range from John J, who says he will be attending the Paris Airshow where he thinks that he will find the ghost of Stotty masquerading as a lounge lizard, to Mike B who, having failed to achieve any measure of success in the UK, has raised his sights and is off to China to bring chaos and confusion to over a billion hapless Chinese! Alan T and Richard S are a little more credible - they simply believe the Iberian Peninsula is a better place to be at this time of the year.

Any problems please let me know on 023 80 63 40 74 or 077 09 76 61 23.



PS I trust you can delete this from your blog as it's not exactly relevant to H&S.