WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No. 27

I've driven past this road sign umpteen times on the way to work, but the cricketingness in it only clicked with me today.

I suppose you woudn't believe me if I said the next street along was named "Jonty Road".

Or "Brian Close"?

Thought so.

Tags:

cricket,humour

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No. 26

I don't know if the grilles over the windows are to keep the burglars out, or keep the customers in.

And I'm not going to find out.

Tags:

humour,hairdressers

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No. 25

For the record, this was taken on June 18th.

Tags:

shrewsbury,humour

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No. 23

West Indies are playing Sri Lanka at Cricket today in a One Day International in Trinidad. This picture of Jerome Taylor, the West Indies fast Bowler reminded me of Spike Milligan’s introduction in The Last Goon Show of All as "Spike Milligna, the well-known typing error".

THE CRICKETER AS ANAGRAM

For the life of me, I can’t think why.

Tags:

humour,
cricket

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No 22

So there I am watching India play South Africa at cricket. The commentators are Graham Thorpe, an Englishman, and Kepler Vessels, a South African – both great players in their prime. It’s fair to say we’re watching India get comprehensively destroyed, as they try to recover from an amazing brainstorm where they’d managed to amass 76 runs in their first innings, with South Africa declaring their own first innings closed on 494 for 7.

In the middle of the play, we see four men, an umpire and three players kneeling on the ground peering at the turf. We can’t see what they’re looking at, but it is obviously attracting their full attention.

Graham Thorpe – “What is it?”

Kepler Vessels – “It’s a pig.”

Graham Thorpe (Snorting, I was going to say, but am not going for the cheap laugh here – Cricket is serious stuff) – “It’s not a pig!”

Now we’re getting a grandstand view of the scene of the crime with a close-up of the four guys kneeling on the ground. Trust me, a pig was nowhere to be seen. I know what pigs look like.

So, the four men confer, and somebody shouts to one of the ground-staff to bring something onto the pitch. An Indian guy duly runs on with some tools, bends down, and attacks the ground, extracting something which had been holding the covers down on the previous day when it had rained.

“There you are,” says Kepler Vessels – “it was a pig, a tint pig”.

Graham Thorpe wisely said nothing.

Tags:

cricket,
humour

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No. 21

My daughter's new chickens, who are now keeping their side of the bargain by producing some truly excellent eggs are about to move into their second home. This is being protected against the weather by a couple of coats of paint and varnish.

This is the pot of varnish being used -

- And this is the disclaimer on the back.

Tags:

humour,
yacht varnish,
varnish

WE'RE ALL WIRED UP DIFFERENTLY

You've possibly seen this before, but if you haven't, it's one of those clips that make YouTube worthwhile. Utterly stupid, quite mad, completely pointless and brilliant to watch.

If anyone says we're basically all the same the world over, can you remotely imagine anyone from Harrogate or Croydon doing anything like this?

Exactly.

Tags:

humour,
trampoline,
slam dunk

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No. 20

Grandparent, arriving at school, to pick up 6 year old Grandson: “Did you have a good day at school today?”

Grandson to Grandparent: “Yes thanks, Grandma.”

Grandparent to Grandson: “What did you do in class today?”

Grandson to Grandparent: “I don’t know – I’ve just deleted those files.”

Tags:

humour

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - NO.18

If you look back to "WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME No.10", back on 21st April, you will see a little roadsign, just asking to be changed.

A bit like the opening batsman, who awaits the inevitability of the Bouncer, but doesn't quite know when it's coming, I've watched the sign everytime I pass it.

Yesterday, the "Bouncer" arrived, not painted on, but created "off-line", on a piece of card, and duly stuck onto the sign. Rather professional actually.

It may be that the Highways Authority, or the local Council have their eye semi-permanently on the same sign, expecting the same change as I did, but they (or at least some tidy minded citizen) have removed it one day later.

Let's hope this is a demonstration of their new found response time, and they are now going to attack the potholes around the county with similar zeal.

My breath is not being held!

Tags:

humour,
shropshire,
roadsigns

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No. 17

Seen in a car in deepest Norfolk.

Actually, the vehicle owner is a Vet, but it’s nice to see the potential Victim taking a constructive approach to the problems of Road Rage. The only problem is that the Type Face is so small, you would need to be in contact with the car’s rear bumper in order to read it.

But at least it’s different and nothing like as vomit inducing as the ghastly “Princess on Board”.

Tags:

humour,
norfolk,
vets

A NEW APPROACH TO SEPIA TONING

Inadvertently last night, I set in motion a piece of Engineering Testing of significant practical importance, namely the resistance of Digital Camera Memory Cards to a hostile environment way beyond the tolerances stated on their Specification Sheets.

Doodling away in my Studio, I made a large Espresso and settled down to do some work. I was organising my camera for the following day, and changed the Memory card for one which had a lot of spare capacity on it. A few minutes later, I went to put the old Memory Card away in one of those dinky little cases they come in, and it was nowhere to be found.

I hunted high and low for a few minutes, and simply couldn't find it. Since I hadn't moved from the seat in front of the computer, I failed to understand how I couldn't lay my hand on it, so, losing reason and logic, concluded that the outer limits of the Bermuda Triangle must now have reached Western Shropshire, and gave up.

As I drained the cup of coffee, you probably don’t need to be that clever to realise what was lying in the bottom of the cup.

As the most fundamental law of the Universe would have it, I was just about to transfer a few images I had taken that day onto the computer, so the card was the only place in the entire known universe where these pictures existed.

It had been there in 80-90 degrees for about 10 minutes, and looked very much the worse for wear. So, we’re now trying an experiment. It’s drying out, and tonight we’ll see, using a sample batch size of one, if these things have any degree of thermal resilience in them.

If you want a bet, a “No images on this Card” response is 10 to 1 On at the moment.

I will report back.

Tags:

photography,
memory cards,
coffee,
humour

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No. 15

One of the little games played out in the newspaper world, I’m convinced, is by those who write the articles trying to get things “under the radar” and past the Sub Editors, whose lives are there partly to check for, find and ruthlessly eradicate these gems.

It’s probably just me, but this short piece of news in today’s "Times" tickled me.

A holidaymaker was taken to hospital after being trampled by a herd of cows while walking his dog near Clehonger, Hertfordshire. Villagers were alerted by his screams and came to his aid to find one of the cows on top of him. He suffered a serious chest injury, but was said to be in a stable condition. (My italics).

Now I’m not trying to make light of the poor guy’s injuries. If you’ve ever had an animal the size of a horse or suchlike either stand on your foot or even lean you onto a wall, it is absolutely no laughing matter, but this one is One-Nil to the writer.

Tags:

humour,times,clehonger

HELL'S GRANNIES - BRUMMIE STYLE

A rather bizarre little vignette played itself out this morning.

Just outside where I work, in the suburbs of Birmingham, the road is straight with a pedestrian pathway on each side. Normally, the cars tear along the road at speeds which bear no resemblance to the 30mph Speed limit.

Today was different. Around lunchtime, I was greeted, on the opposite pavement, by the sight of two disabled carriages, charging along the road, at what seemed to me to be a highly inappropriate speed. They were the sort which seem to be about a foot wide, and six feet high, with the plastic side covers which act as combined sails and water collectors, depositing their catch on the luckless internees. The sort of vehicle where you wondered how they ever kept upright, going at sane speeds, let alone what we were witnessing here.

BLASTING DOWN THE MAIN STRAIGHT TOWARDS THE CHICANE

It was very much a double take, and the drivers turned out to be a couple of quite mature ladies, wearing what for all the world could have been Fireproof Macs. You could certainly describe them both, to use Billy Connolly’s very descriptive phrase, as “No Stranger to a Fish Supper”. They really did look as if both should have known better.

There was no doubt in my mind – they were racing. A few other guys from work were also standing outside watching this Pythonesque snippet, one of whom decided that an encouraging “Go on, My Son” was warranted.

The fun started when they came up to a lamp-post, which was mounted in one of the slabs on the pavement. We saw a very Grand Prix style of Late Braking, Take the Racing Line and carve the loser up to get through the gap at minimum loss of speed. The loser, clearly with a slight but real Power to Weight Ratio benefit (actually, I suspect it was all to do with the weight rather than the power!), managed to pull alongside, and stayed there until 50 or so yards further on, when the next Lamp-Post chicane came into play. We were then treated to the same Schumacher-like driving style, and a very unladylike scrabble for leadership through the gap, seemed to overcome them again. They came to a left hand side-road, and blasted, or so it seemed, around the corner, and disappeared.

Most entertaining.

Tags:

humour,
birmingham,
hells grannies

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.14

One of our daughters took the name of Clarke when she married. So the short letter which appeared in "The Times" last week, strikes a chord.

Sir, A friend of mine, who once gave his name over the telephone as “Clarke, with an ‘e’ ”, subsequently received correspondence addressed to “Mr Clerk Withany”.

Delia Ives, Brighton

Tags: humour,times letters,clarke

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.13

I remember reading this a while ago in the newspaper, and thought it was worth repeating.

Peter Sallis (Wallace's voice from Wallace and Grommit) was being interviewed on Radio 5, and a fan rang in.

"What an honour to talk to you." raved the caller.

"Tell me though, are there any plans for more Pink Panther films?" he continued.

"He's dead" said Sallis.

"Wot?" said the man.

"Peter Sellars, he's dead".

The caller hung up.

Tags:

humour,peter sallis,peter sellars

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No. 12

Better to be safe ..........

.............. than sorry!

Tags:humour,
wolverhampton

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.11

This is on my Brother-in-Law's House.

It's a bit like "Beware of the Dogs" - but with a soupçon of style!

Tags:

humour,
humor

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.10

I have no idea how the local Highways Department makes its signs, although I suspest they have a set of standard sized templates, on which their craftsmen imprint the destinations they want.

Anyway, however they do it, you'd think when the guy doing this one saw the size of the blank sign he had in his hands, and the length of the name he was putting on the sign, he'd have made bloody sure that the gap which clearly had to go somewhere, would be at the end, and definitely NOT the beginning of the sign.

Wouldn't you?

Tags:

humour,
road signs,
shropshire

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.9

Taken in Newport, Gwent, showing the Town Council's latest Health and Safety inspired approach to Pedestrian control, next to (or rather in) the tidal River Wye.

You know it makes sense.

Tags:


humour,
newport,
health and safety

WELL ANYWAY, IT AMUSED ME - No.8

The Marketing edge - Shropshire style!

Tags:
shrewsbury,
shropshire,
humour