THE NAME'S THE PLAICE

The name on the façade of the shop where I have my hair cut is “Shirley Walker”, mainly because the name of the young lady who cuts my hair’s is - no bating of breath here – Shirley Walker. But for some reason, there’s something about being a hairdresser which drives them to dream up all manner of slightly heavy handed puns to name their businesses. There’s something about Hairdressers, and the way the world perceives them, which probably prevents you from ever confusing them with, let's say, a Hod Carrier. Probably the same reason which resulted in Nissan producing 100 or so of its new Micra C+C Convertibles in a hugely desirable shade of Barbie Pink - a case of Nissan vada-ing a bit of really bona Niche Marketing.

HEY JOHN - GOT A NEW MOTOR?

From a very cursory inspection, Fish shops run them close but, in reality, they must take second, er, plaice.

This name thing is a bit like when you buy a red Fiat, you suddenly start to see millions of red Fiats around. They’re there all the time, but normally we just don’t notice them. But, having seen a couple of Punnish Hairdresser’s names, I decided to make good use of my Double First in Advanced Sadness, and had a quick look around at the local Hairdressers to see if I was seeing “Reds under the Bed” here. If Shrewsbury, my local town, is even halfway normal, then the clear answer, at least on the Hairdresser front, is NO – they’re all at it.

Just from a skim of the local Yellow Pages, the following examples surface –

- Hair-Lines
- Hairlooms
- Alibarber (you just knew there had to be one of those)
- Razor Sharp
- Chopping Block
- A Cut Above
- Barnets
- Capability Brown
- Funky Barnetts
- Gold-E-Locks
- Guys’n’Molls
- Hairborne
- Hairline
- Hairport
- Headmasters
- Head Quarters
- Miles A Head
- Million Hairs
- Scizzor Sisters (I like that one)
- Sweeneys

And that’s just within a few miles of home in rural Shropshire, so Goodness knows what they call themselves in more literary places like Oxbridge. You don’t have to look much farther afield to come across a few more –

- Beyond the Fringe
- Urban Roots
- Talking Heads
- Under Your Hat
- Barbarella
- Blow Your Top
- Off Your Head
- Snippets
- Wavelength
- Hair Are We, and even
- Mad Hackers (At least you’ve been warned!)

Having now spent a worrying few minutes exploring the wit (or otherwise) of the Hairdresser, you start to wonder about other professions. If you want to change your kitchen floor, for instance, it would seem you can go to Croc-a-Tile (I need my floor laid, but make it snappy!), Versa-Tile, or even The Bonny Tiler!

And if for any reason, Taxidermy is your bag, you could approach (very carefully I would suggest in the case of the first one!) S&M Taxidermy, Chris Hackett, Bird Stuff, and (yes, you’ve guessed it) – Get Stuffed.